1 Promoting Positive Behavior: Understanding Triggers and Crisis De-Escalation

2 Expectations Take care of your needs! Be present Be participatoryWalk around Bathroom breaks Stand up Be present Be participatory Offer examples from your work Ask questions

3 Today’s Objectives By the end of this course, professionals will be able to… Align developmental needs with corresponding behaviors Explain constructive adult responses to these behaviors Describe common trigger sources and how to identify them Apply strategies to support child in de-escalation before/during a crisis Identify strategies to be used at professional’s program

4 Today’s Agenda INTRODUCTIONS Understanding and Managing TriggersSupporting Special Populations LUNCH BREAK Knowing Yourself in Crisis Crisis Management Strategies

5 Introduction ScrambleInstructions: Find a partner who you do not know Introduce yourself to your partner Select one partner as scribe When timer begins, 5 minutes to ask as many questions as possible to your partner to determine shared interests Objective: Generate the longest list of common interests

6 And the prize goes to…

7 Understanding & Managing Triggers: Stopping trouble before it startsValue of understanding social and emotional development: Foundation for PPB Allows us to take behaviors in broader context Creates a base for a constructive, solution-oriented approach Understand SEL development is foundation for promoting positive behavior; by understanding behavior, we can prevent negative behavior and help solve the problems

8 Unmet Needs: The source of most negative behaviorValue of understanding social and emotional development: Foundation for PPB Allows us to take behaviors in broader context Creates a base for a constructive, solution-oriented approach

9 What conditions need to be met for you to perform at your best?A good night’s sleep (at least 8 hours) Quiet time before breakfast Positive interactions with my co-workers Before we begin, lets take a moment for a bit of personal reflection. Think about your workplace and the times you are at the top of your game. Think about the moments in your professional life that have yielded the best results. Now, think about what conditions needed to be met for you to perform at this level. (Pause, 20 seconds). I perform best with a good night’s sleep, a minimum of one cup of coffee, and a working environment that is supportive and positive.

10 Maslow’s Hierarchy of NeedsIn the same way that adults have basic needs that need to be met, so do the children we work with. Failure to meet these needs is one of the most common sources of negative behavior. To think about these needs, let’s look at Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, which divides human needs into 5 categories: Physiological, Safety, Love/Belonging, Esteem, and Self Actualization. Going back to my answer to the reflection question, I am most successful when I fulfill my “physiological” need to have breakfast in the morning and my “esteem” need to receive positive feedback from my peers. We all want the children we work with to be performing at the self-actualization level of the pyramid, but keep in mind that their other needs must be met before this can occur. How does your program ensure that children can operate at the self-actualization level?

11 Small Group Activity Directions:Identify 2-3 others who work with the same age group Discuss the following questions in your groups: What are some common behaviors that I see often in children within this age group? What are some tactics I use to respond effectively to this age group? Use post-its to identify common needs and behaviors: Behaviors Responses

12 Pre-K/Early Elementary Needs:Small Group Activity Pre-K/Early Elementary Needs: Elementary Needs: Middle School Needs:

13 Pre/ Early Elementary Socio-Emotional DevelopmentDevelopmental Needs: Take Initiative Feel Purpose Understand Boundaries without taking it personally Family and home very important At the pre/early elementary stage (age 3-8), the child is exploring the world. Children at this age are generally limited in understanding where “you” ends and “I” begins. This stage of development is your chance to develop an inquisitive mind into a talented learner by tapping into her developmental needs: the desire to take initiative, the desire to feel purpose, the desire to understand boundaries, and the connection to home and family.

14 Pre/ Early Elementary Socio-Emotional DevelopmentResulting Behaviors: Curious- “Why?” May take initiative if encouraged and guided Extreme: Aggressive in taking actions May not take initiative because they are afraid of doing the “wrong thing.” As a result of this need for exploration, pre and early elementary aged children are extremely curious, often asking “Why” in every possible situation. When this exploration is fostered, children at this age might take initiative, possibly even at an aggressive level. On the opposite end of the spectrum, pre-k and early elementary children may shy away from initiative out of fear of being wrong.

15 Elementary Socio-Emotional DevelopmentDevelopmental Needs: 1. Feel like they are good at what they do (academics, etc.) 2. Carry idea to completion 3. School/ community relationships become important, family is still important The elementary age is where confidence becomes essential. At this age, children learn to believe in themselves or not. They develop self-efficacy. As a result, social power dynamics and teasing begin to form as a result of budding self-esteem issues.

16 Elementary Socio-Emotional DevelopmentResulting Behaviors: Eager to learn new skills Seek clear signs for achievement If they feel they are inferior, they may lose interest in pursuing new things and become withdrawn or bully Pays close attention to rules and when they are or are not followed Natural curiousity – eagerness to learn new skills Want clear signs to validate their achievements (direct praise, rewards) If they feel inferior, they won’t continue with those activities & withdraw Achievement means that fairness is important & therefore pay close attention to rules

17 Middle School Socio-Emotional DevelopmentDevelopmental Needs: Develop identity and role in the world Be Empowered; beginning to individuate Peer relationships becoming important, family less so. Developing empathy and awareness of world. “Who am I?” becomes a contextualized question rather than an absolute Behavior will change from peer group to peer group, setting to setting The sense of self is malleable at this age Individual empowerment is key to offering empathy to others Depression will often be masked behind attention-seeking misbehavior The depression is often a result of a weakened sense of self as youth trade individuality for “fitting in”

18 Middle School Socio-Emotional DevelopmentResulting Behaviors: Questioning of rules and becoming very opinionated Highly sensitive to social norms and fitting in Rude or disruptive if feelings of powerless or insecurity arise Watch for depression masked as angst or acting out Become highly opinionated, question rules & fairness Changes from peer group to peer group, setting ot setting Because of sensitivity to social norms & desire to fit in Depression – often because of weakened sense of self as they trade individuality for fitting in

19 Group Scenarios Answer the following questions about your scenario:What is relevant about this child’s developmental stage? What are some strengths or possible strengths of the child in this scenario? What might be an underlying need causing this behavior?

20 SHARE OUT! Group DiscussionWhat new insights did you gain from this exercise that will help you work with children? What examples from your work relate to you group’s discussion?

21 5 Minute Break!

22 Some Common Triggers: What to watch forIn order to prevent crisis, it is extremely important to know the triggers of negative behavior to watch for and to understand possible roots for these triggers. Constant vigilance saves you the time and energy of dealing with crisis and ensures the emotional safety of the children you work with.

23 Common Trigger SourcesPast Trauma Present Situation Consciously remembered trauma or stress Unconscious defenses Boundary issues Anger vs. compliance Maslow’s Hierarchy Peer situations (bullying, embarrassment, etc.) Fear of non-performance Had a bad day Triggers for negative behavior can stem from both past trauma and the present situation. Triggers for negative behavior related to past trauma can occur when a child remembers a situation from his or her past that was particularly traumatizing or stress-inducing. Negative behavior might also stem from unconscious defenses or boundaries that the child puts up as a result of their past experiences. Behavioral triggers may also stem from the tendency of a child who has experienced a traumatic event to exhibit misplaced anger towards authority figures rather than comply. As a writing teacher, I encountered an example of a past trauma trigger in my short story unit. As a brainstorming exercise, I asked my students to close their eyes and think about a significant moment in their life. I asked them to think about the sensory details of that experience – sight, sound, smell, touch taste. Suddenly, one of my students began sobbing uncontrollably and rushed out of the classroom. The student later told me that the exercise invoked reliving a very painful memory in the past. The negative behavior – running out of class without permission – was triggered by a traumatic past event. Just as the past can cause triggers, so can the present. If a child is say – living in fear of being evicted or has not eaten all day– that child’s basic physiological and safety needs (think Maslow’s hierarchy) have not been met and may result in negative behavior. Social situations such as bullying by other children or embarrassment in front of peers could also trigger children to act out. Other present situations – such as the fear of broken promises or simply having a bad day – could be the sources of behavioral triggers.

24 Ways Triggers ManifestManifestations we may classify as “negative” Anger-driven– yelling, cursing, fighting Sadness-driven – crying, depression, silence Fear-driven – hiding, running away Manifestations we may classify as “positive” Hyper-compliance Overly touchy-feely – excessive hugs, massages, etc. Quiet Noncompliance is just one of the ways that

25 Emotional & Behavioral Special NeedsCommon emotional and behavioral challenges can trigger negative behavior. Depression Anxiety ADHD Autism Spectrum Disorder school or younger) SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) Drug or Alcohol Abuse or Dependence (may start in middle Emotional and behavioral needs can add another dimension to the way we think about sources triggering negative behavior. These special needs do not exempt children from experiencing past and present traumatic trigger sources, they just add a layer of complexity. The behavioral and emotional challenges listed here are just a sampling of the more common issues that the children you work with might be facing. One particular student of mine came to my class with an extensive reputation of misbehavior. Crisis situations occurred fairly regularly for her at the beginning of the year, largely due to her severe depression and ODD. Armed with the knowledge of her behavioral challenges, I was able to recognize that when I framed assignments as optional stating, “I know that you really enjoy writing in your journal. I’d love to hear what you have to say today,” this student would be much more likely to comply than if I had commanded, “It’s journal time. I want to see that pen moving for the next 10 minutes,” which was a trigger for a behavioral outburst. Simply recognizing this child’s behavioral needs and doing a bit of background research helped me to avoid crisis in my own classroom.

26 Steps for Crisis PreventionWatch for Signs of Emotional Escalation De-Escalate Prior to Crisis Seek Insight into Triggers This example segues brings us to the process for preventing behavioral crises. As mentioned earlier, knowing what to look for is crucial and being on the lookout behavioral triggers will help you identify the cause-and-effect relationships of a child’s behavior so to adjust your action accordingly. When a trigger is identified, the next step is de-escalating the situation before it increases to crisis mode. After de-escalation has occurred, it is important to follow-up by seeking insight into triggers. This will help you adjust your behaviors to better meet the needs of the kids you work with.

27 Watch for Signs of Emotional EscalationANGER or FEAR: Clenched Fists Reddening or Whitening face Tight Lips or clenched teeth Voice gets louder & higher OR gets very quiet While I risk sounding like a broken record, being proactive is extremely important when it comes to behavior management. Most of the problem behaviors teachers see in their classroom have a “fair pair” or positive behavioral expectation that is incompatible (e.g., swearing & use appropriate language) --- Prompt teachers to always begin by acknowledging the “fair pair” behavioral expectation being demonstrated by other students in the classroom, then address problem behavior with student. What does this look like in a classroom? A teacher who wants students to use appropriate language might look for students who are speaking to their peers in respectful ways. They might direct the attention of the class to that particular student, stating something like “Dominique is doing a fantastic job of respectfully disagreeing with Jamal. She explained her point of view and allowed him to express his without interrupting. She is setting a great example.” Acknowledging the appropriate behaviors of others is usually enough to stop the inappropriate behavior of one. In cases where this type of prevention is not fea Number of visual signs to see that crisis might be coming…

28 De-Escalate Prior to CrisisA child sometimes needs to connect and sometimes needs to retreat. Ask: Will you tell me what’s bothering you? Response A Child starts talking or looks as if s/he wants to start talking Inference: The child is probably experiencing a need to connect. Response B The child says something like: “No,” “I don’t want to talk about it,” “Nothing,” or “Leave me alone.” Inference: The child is probably experiencing a need to retreat. As soon as you see a crisis happening, you need to de-escalate immediately. Response will depend on their reponse to this question –

29 Responding When a Child Needs to ConnectS/he is looking to feel heard and empowered, and to get a need met or an anxiety or frustration aired and addressed. TO PROVIDE CONNECTION: Listen thoughtfully Empathize and validate Share your own thoughts and feelings Identify a need Make a plan De-escalating by connecting means getting to the heart of the problem; could be that they don’t have a basic need met (hungry? sleepy?), made need ot be heard & empowered, maybe just space to vent about their frustration Listen thoughtfully – ask questions tha tmake them feel heard Empathize – “it sounds like th eother kdis aren’t being very nice to you. That must make you sad & angry. I understand why you feel that way.” Sharing – “it makes me sad that you feel this way” + interaction observations After fully understand – Identify the need Make a plan with the child – maybe including new group of friends or new seat in class 1. High rates of praise for appropriate behaviors, “check in” to see how student is doing before delivering directive, positive voice tone 2. To decrease likelihood of drawing more attention to problem behavior – just be sure you have student’s attention (i.e., eye contact) 3. State positive behavioral expectation you want student to demonstrate 4. One directive at a time … correct only one behavior at a time 5. Create a behavioral momentum … give directives student is likely to comply with first, acknowledge compliance, then address problem behavior 5. Make if, then statement … this should be the point where you are moving to first response on corrective consequence hierarchy --- GIVING EFFECTIVE DIRECTIVES IS A PREVENTATIVE STRATEGY --- DIRECTIVE DOES NOT EQUAL REPRIMAND!

30 Responding When a Child Needs to RetreatS/he is looking to process the feelings and needs that are arising and to feel safe. TO PROVIDE RETREAT: Don’t ask, tell Provide a safe space Provide a constructive way to process Check in after a few minutes (retreat can shift to connect) This is not a punishment and shouldn’t feel like one. If they want to retreat, they are looking for a different way to process needs & feelings in safe environment Be directive – don’t ask, tell – “I’d like you to have some quiet time now. Please sit on the magic couch & I’ll come over in a few minutes to check in.” “You seem to need a break. Please go to the drawing circle and color for a few minutes.” Constructive ways based on your knowledge of the child Always check in Never should be a punishment – it’s a calm down time IF WARNINGS OR REPRIMANDS ARE IN THE HIERARCHY OF CORRECTIVE RESPONSES --- THIS IS HOW TO DELIVER AN EFFECTIVE REPRIMAND: SHORT – ONE BEHAVIOR TO CORRECT SOFT – quiet .. Only the student you are correcting needs to know – think peer attention!!!! CLOSE -- BE IN PROXIMITY OF STUDENT YOU ARE CORRECTING --- ASK AUDIENCE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU ARE IN THE FRONT OF THE CLASSROOM, JOHNNY IS MISBEHAVING IN THE BACK AND YOU SHOUT/DELIVER THE REPRIMAND FROM WHERE YOU ARE --- THE TEN OR SO STUDENTS WHO WERE ON TASK WILL NOW BE LOOKING AT JOHNNY! QUICK – give directive and walk away – gives a student the chance to initiate compliance while “saving face” .. Also keeps teacher from losing their cool or wasting instructional time CONTACT --- MEANS EYE CONTACT – NOT PHYSICAL CONTACT

31 Seek Insight into the TriggerWait for child to calm down. Pitch this discussion to the child’s current capacity. Empathize and validate the child’s trigger. Look for patterns & make a plan. Share with parents and teachers; ask them to share with you. Help the child build self-awareness: Can only take place when child is fully calmed down Focus on an action plan for when these things happen in the future Independently from the child – think of past events & id the trigger Ask families, educators, etc for more info What did it feel like in your boddy? What can you watch for next time? Let them recognize their own triggers & take time to self regulate; give them tools to use (ie: ask for space) Identify the FEELING: “Think back to beginning to feel triggered. What did it feel like in your body? What can you watch for next time?” Identify COPING STRATEGIES for triggers: “Next time this happens, what can you do? Do you need to ask for help? Do you need some time alone? What things can you do to calm you down?”

32 Giving Them the Skills to SucceedSomething happens (someone stole my ball during free time! He cheated at the game!) Immediate reaction – what are you feeling? Describe your feeling. Stop – meta-moment time How would my best self react in this situation? Strategize – what strategies can I use to calm down or resolve the situation? Succeed – What does success look like? (We share the ball, I ask a staff to help me talk about cheating.)

33 Self-Awareness ActivityResource Self-Awareness Activity I get upset when… I calm down when… This handout can be completed as a worksheet by an individual child or by the whole group You can also have a conversation with a child, fill it out during the conversation, and then ask them to look it over for mistakes For a fun kinesthetic group approach, you can make it into an interactive game, using the “high fives” structure – make sure nobody will feel too uncomfortable. For older children or a stronger community, you can also explore this issue through playing “cross the line” Success plan worksheet

34 Special Populations

35 ADHD Interpersonal Systems ClimateStrategies for working with children with ADHD fall into three buckets. Interpersonal Systems Climate Patience Celebrate Successes Open Communication Reference role models with ADHD Behavioral Improvement Plan Secret signals Consistent schedule Rewards/Consequences Quiet No distractions Toy or manipulative Short breaks Healthy snacks Symptoms – difficulty focusing & paying attention, hyper activity Adjustments to interpersonal skills recog accomplishments & praise process – standing in line or follow rule inherent – sharing toys or giving compliment communication between parents, school, and OST with strategies (carry over as much as possible) ADHD – will smith, jim carrey, beyonce, pete rose, Justin timberlake; people have learned to self regulate & become successful -Establishing and maintaining systems Behavior improvement plan from school or home for consistency? Signla should be simple & easily recognized (ie: 2 fingers in air, “code blue”) – you signal that they are not behaving or they sign that they are escalating -Creating an appropriate culture for that child Distract kinesthetic part of the brain so they can focus Build in short breaks to release their energy at an appropriate time

36 Autism Spectrum DisordersThere are several strategies that are useful when working with children on the Autism Spectrum: Stimuli Firm, unwavering touch Limit stimuli in a child who is distressed: quiet, dark space, no attempts to touch or interact Soothing Find what is soothing to the child: an object, a sound, a song, a game, a motion, an activity Build on this to develop self-soothing skills that become more socially appropriate over time Many children with PDD connect extremely well with animals Communication Enter the child’s world of play and help other children find ways to do the same Consider a peer or staff mentor who the child knows will always give clear, non-judgmental information about the emotional and social subtexts of a situation Find motivators for communication and connection that interest the child Characterized – defecit in social communication & interactions; restricted, repetitive patterns in behavior & interests More you know them, more you can support them! -Stimuli Provides direction with firm touch; limit stimuli with quiet space so no one will interact & then sooth them with whatever works (song, sound, game, etc) – self-soothing skills that are socially appropriate Meet the child where he/she is: Eneter their world of play & encourage others to do so -often connect well with animals, have a pet -peer or staff mentor who will always give clear, non-judgemental info about social subtext; better understand social situations -build on their interests & incorporate as much as possible

37 Survivors of Trauma, Abuse, or HomelessnessStrategies for working with survivors of trauma, abuse or homelessness: Empowerment is essential Ask for permission before touching Ask “what would help you feel safe?” Ask if the child is willing to trust you to do (or not do) a specific, time-measured thing Tell the child what you are willing to trust him or her to do and when Encourage the child to tell you and others “no” when appropriate, praise him or her for doing so (i.e. “no tag” game) Lead with questions – Permission to touch What would help you feel safe? If the child is willing to trust you to do a specific & time measured thing (allow them to have expectations of when & how that task will be completed) Show that you trust him or her to do a specific & time measured task Encourage to tell others and you “no” when appropriate & praise when they need to

38 Resources To learn more about PBS and BIPs, follow these links!A Guide to Positive Behavioral Support: A Bank of Behavioral Improvement Plan Resources:

39 Today’s Objective By the end of this course, professionals will be able to… Align developmental needs with corresponding behaviors Explain constructive adult responses to these behaviors Describe common trigger sources and how to identify them Apply strategies to support child in de-escalation before/during a crisis Identify strategies to be used at professional’s program

40 Crisis Management and De-EscalationWelcome; announcements Toys Bathroom What’s in handout packet

41 Knowing Yourself In a Crisis

42 Reflection Activity Turn & Talk Directions:Recall a crisis situation that you have navigated and feel comfortable discussing (work, home) Turn to a neighbor and discuss the following questions: What happened? What were your immediate thoughts and emotions? How did you react in the moment? Looking back, how would you have reacted differently?

43 Typical Reactions to a Crisis (See Handout)Anxious/Nervous Flight Response Angry/Upset Fight Response Combination Flight – Fight – Combo -

44 Typical Reactions to a Crisis Important: do not judge yourselfThese are natural reactions to a heightened situation They come from the Amygdala, also know as the lizard brain. This is the oldest part of the brain. Our instincts for survival are very strong Therefore, these emotions are very strong Managing a crisis is not about blocking these feelings Are you able to “accept & acknowledge” your instinctive emotional responses while rising above them to make good choices all the time? No – you need certain supports to make it happen, so that expectation shouldn’t be different for the kids Maintaining control in a crisis requires accepting and acknowledging our instinctive emotional responses while rising above them to make good choices

45 Managing your Reaction to a CrisisAwareness Know what you are feeling instead of just reacting. Start with an outward calm as you seek inner calmness Remind yourself that this is not about you. Strategies for remaining calm: Breathe. Count your breaths if you need to Change the dialogue in your head! Adjust self-talk Concentrate for a moment on a sensation in a very specific part of your body (right elbow, left pinkie toe, septum of the nose, etc.) Notice and adjust your self-talk and your narrative about what’s happening Call for backup or help if you’re losing control of your feelings

46 Self-Care in the AftermathProcessing with others: Never around the children Talk it over with peers or a supervisor or both Get feedback on how you handled it Recognize your successes as well as learning moments Even if you can’t do this right away, make time at the end of the day

47 Self-Care in the AftermathRestoring your faith: Avoid burnout or compassion fatigue Recover your faith in yourself, your work, the children Remember why you do this work, why it’s important Find something to love, something to feel good about Step back, take yourself out of the situation & remember why you do the work you do & acknowledge that you have something to offer to the kids Ex: find something you love – reading - Manage your stress

48 Typical Reactions to a Crisis (See Self-Evaluation)Group Discussion: Which kind of instinctive response comes more naturally to you? When do you have an unusual emotional response? What really gets under your skin? What happens when something really gets to you?

49 Self-Care in the AftermathAsk for what you need: A plan for next time? Training? Recognition from yourself or from others? Help from a consulting mental health professional? Concrete information about what you need is more helpful for a supervisor What do you need to handle the crisis better next time? Be vocal & knowledgeable about it

50 When you are finished, turn to a partner and discuss:Self-Care Plan Take 10 minutes to independently fill out the handout “Personalized Self-Care Plan.” When you are finished, turn to a partner and discuss: (1) what was challenging about this exercise (2) how you might use this exercise in your work with children.

51 Resource For more information on the importance of keeping cool in a crisis, visit:

52 Crisis Management: Concrete Strategies

53 Consider your most recent crisis situation involving children…For each child involved, describe: What was his/her emotional state? What behaviors were s/he engaging in? What soothing strategies typically work with him/her? What are his/her strengths? Describe setting Describe situation

54 Five Steps for Managing a CrisisPhysical Safety De-escalation Listening and Validating Making a Plan Preparing to Rejoin the Group

55 Physical Safety Know your program’s policies, especially regarding touch and physical intervention Make sure kids are physically safe Make sure staff are physically safe Relocate discussion(s) if possible Call for help if needed

56 De-Escalation Strategy 1: Use Your VoiceSince children react to tone and mood: Use a firm, commanding tone Be as loud as you have to be, but no louder Speak in a sharp, short burst – no shouting or ranting! Once you have the child(ren)’s attention, bring the volume down; bring the energy down Speak softly Speak slowly Use a lower, deeper voice Shouting or ranting can lead to further escalation

57 De-Escalation Strategy 2: Separate the DisputantsIf staff is limited, determine who to talk with first Take care of first aid needs Check in with child who will be on hold to make sure s/he knows s/he’s a priority too Give child on hold something to think about or do (e.g. what happened, why upset, draw feelings, etc.) On hold – reflect on what happened and giving them something to do

58 De-Escalation Strategy 3: Use Your Body LanguageRemember the 3 C’s: 1. Connect with the child Make eye contact Move to the child’s level if it is safe to do so 2. Show Confidence Let your posture reflect confidence in yourself and the child Nod your head reassuringly Face the child directly, no crossed arms or legs 3. Show Caring Focus on the discussion Show that you want to hear and understand the story of what happened from this child’s perspective

59 De-Escalation Strategy 4: Use your LanguageIdentify and use strengths: “Bobby, a lot of the kids like you, and I think that’s because you understand other people really well. I bet that’s going to help us figure this out.” “Tyneesha, you’re a very thoughtful person. I think you understand a lot about yourself and I’m hoping you’ll help me understand what’s going on for you.” Indicate your desire to help: I want to ________ for you, but first I need you to _______ . Example: “I want to make sure you get the snack you want, but first I need you to take a deep breath and talk to me for 5 minutes.”

60 De-Escalation Strategy 4: Use your LanguageIf you think the child is tuning you out: Instead of demanding s/he pay attention, ask the child to repeat what you just said This shifts the reaction away from anger and a sense of injustice to awkwardness/embarrassment, which is marginally better, and which motivates better attention in the future Be assertive if you’re having trouble getting cooperation, but threaten consequences only as a last resort at this stage. Try clear, concise instructions: “You need to sit down for a minute on the blue couch.” Once the child is focused on you, determine whether the child needs to discuss or needs to process: “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

61 De-Escalation Time to practice!Choose one scenario to act out with your group. Take turns practicing each of the following in that context: Short, sharp burst of sound Bring your voice down Use eye contact & body language to be calming Use your language to be calming: Identify and use child’s strengths Indicate your desire to help Determine whether the child needs to discuss or needs to process Stop there for now!

62 Hearing and ValidatingFIRST: Find out what happened from each child’s perspective: Tell or ask the child what happened If you ask, re-tell the child what you heard Make sure your telling (or re-telling) feels fair and reasonable to the child SECOND: Identify what the child is feeling: So you’re feeling _______ (hurt, angry, upset, embarrassed, etc.) That must have been _______ (embarrassing, upsetting, hurtful, infuriating, etc.) When that happens to me, I sometimes get _______ (mad, sad, afraid, etc.) I can really see how that made you _______ (hurt, angry, sad, etc.)

63 Hearing and ValidatingTHIRD: For older/more insightful kids: Identify a need behind the feeling So you’re really looking for _______ (respect, friendship, fun, etc.) So you really want _______ (an apology, to be included, etc.) FOURTH: Validate the feeling & differentiate between feeling and behavior It makes sense that you felt _______, and it’s okay to feel that way, but when you do feel _______, it’s not okay to _________ (hit, yell, insult, throw things, run away, etc.) FIFTH: For older/more insightful kids: work on empathy And do you think ________ (disputant) felt _______ (feeling)? How would you feel about that if you were _______ (other disputant’s situation/perspective)

64 Making a Plan Discuss consequences (if any): Explain them and the reasons behind them Discuss apology or group discussion (if any): Remember, apologizing is for the benefit of the child who is doing the apologizing at least as much as for the other(s) – it should not be a humiliation. Make a plan: Older/more insightful children: Engage in the plan creation process Younger/less insightful children: Tell child plan for next time Get agreement: So if we did _______, how would that be for you? Are you willing to try that? Would it work better if ________? In the future, when this happens, I want you to try _______. Will you try that?

65 Preparing to Rejoin the GroupApologies: Implement apologies agreed on in “Make a Plan” step (if necessary) Agreement: Make an agreement about the short term future (re-state the plan you made in a statement form) Praise: Praise and validate the child’s participation in problem-solving. Remember that this is a draining and stressful process for children, and find something to praise in the child’s participation. Move on: “Okay, let’s put this behind us and get back to having fun!” Check In: If the child has been sent home, to the Director’s office, etc. and is rejoining the group after an absence, check in about any feelings of anxiety about rejoining the group that may have arisen.

66 Hearing and ValidatingTime to practice! Using the same scenario, take turns practicing each of the following in that context: Find out what happened Identify what the child is feeling or what the child needs Validate the child’s feelings/needs Distinguish between feelings/needs and behavior

67 Scenarios: practice! Work together to create a new scenario to role-play Demonstrate POSITIVITY! Demonstrate all 4 stages De-escalation Hearing and Validating Making a Plan Preparing to Rejoin the Group

68 Debrief Which strategies and concepts learned today were most beneficial? What do you intend to take back to your program? What do you wish you had learned more about?

69 Course Evaluation Today’s ObjectiveBy the end of this course, professionals will be able to… Align developmental needs with corresponding behaviors Explain constructive adult responses to these behaviors Describe common trigger sources and how to identify them Apply strategies to support child in de-escalation before/during a crisis Identify strategies to be used at professional’s program

70 Thank you!! Allison Wootan x 240