1 Freshman Parent LaunchJamie Rodda, MA, LPC, NCC Freshman/Sophomore Counselor A-L Stacy Golliff, MS, LPC, NCC Freshman/Sophomore Counselor M-Z We are so excited to meet you today, and to begin working with your freshmen this upcoming school year! A-L Rodda Hello I’m Stacy Golliff, I work with Freshmen and Sophomores, letters M-Z Many people assume that we only handle things like scheduling and academic concerns. Well we do academic counseling but we also do college and personal counseling. We also can be your liason if you need direction on who to speak with regarding any concern or questions you may have (such as for example who to ask about Christian service, etc). Mrs. Rodda and I are both certified mental health therapists in the state of Michigan, and both of us are experienced in outpatient therapy. We are available by phone and , but is the best way to get a hold of us quickly. Quite often, our days are completely booked meeting with students in our offices back to back. is much faster so we tend to rely on that as a primary way of communicating. We meet individually with each of the Freshmen. Our goal is by November. Please us if feel that your son or daughter is in need of a meeting sooner rather than later and we’re happy to call them in.

2 In addition to our individual meetings, every other week on block days, we lead in-class presentations in a program we call “Self-Management”. These presentations are delivered to the entire freshman class, and include topics such as time management, prioritizing to-do lists, evaluating friendships, organizing your tablet, creating an optimal digital study space, coping with stress and how to study according to your learning style, just to name a few. We get them on a program called Naviance. This program is used for: inventories, career assessments, resume, transcript, applications, college apps, etc This is a photo that was in the Oakland Press from one of our most appreciated Self Management sessions- our finals prep that we do every December. Every freshman is placed in a study group, according to what the student identifies is their most difficult subject. Then we organize upperclassmen and teachers who volunteer their time during that school day to lead the study groups and give tips and prep all Freshmen to succeed in their first high school finals at NDP. These presentations will be posted on the counseling website and in the Irish News so you can ask your student about them as they occur – have them show you what they learned or need to work on.

3 Work with God to form Christian People, Upright Citizens and Academic ScholarsPreparation for college- academically, spiritually, in character NDP Staff + Parents = Partnership Our mission: Work with God to form Christian People, Upright Citizens and Academic Scholars The 4 years spent in high school is a time of tremendous growth for your teenagers. Our task as a college preparatory school is to not only prepare them academically for college (which we are fantastic at...) but also to foster growth in spirituality and character (focusing on the other two aspects of our school mission Upright Citizens and Christian People) which are life-long. Our administration, the teaching staff, our campus ministry and counseling departments- we are all partnering up with you, the parents, to help your child not only become Academic Scholars, but also preparing them to be ready for anything life may throw their way, in college and beyond.

4 Building Resiliency and ResponsibilityThe main themes we would like to focus on today are- Building student responsibility and resiliency READ QUOTE With kids, it’s difficult when things don’t go their way, we all know that. The important part is how they respond to the setback. Throughout their time here at NDP, they will be learning how to handle making mistakes, how to bounce back after a difficulty- and a big part of that is based on how often we allow them to fully experience the challenges they face- “we” meaning all of the adults in their life- parents, teachers, counselors, and so on.

5 We chose to speak today about building resiliency and responsibility for a few reasons.First of all, according to this Forbes article, these very skills, in addition to communication skills, teamwork, time management, ability to plan, organize, and prioritize are highly prized in the world of work. And unfortunately lacking in many college graduates!

6 Able to cope with ups and downs Able to handle interpersonal problemsAble to manage assignments, workload, and deadlines In this article, a former dean at Stanford shares the 8 skills everyone should have by the time they graduate high school. Responsibility and resiliency are key. She shares that 18-year-olds must be able to cope with ups and downs of life, handle interpersonal problems, manage assignments, workload, deadlines and take healthy risks. All are crucial to success in high school, college, and career.

7 Recently in the US, many colleges are reporting a growing problem with lack of resiliency in students. In particular, this article from Psychology Today reveals some concerning information regarding high school graduates, and how they are fairing in college. If this is a problem for the colleges, it is definitely something we as a college preparatory school are addressing so that they can avoid having these issues.

8 Declining Student Resilience: A Serious Problem for Colleges by Peter Gray Ph.D., Boston CollegeEmotional fragility, increase in mental health diagnoses Unable to solve problems on their own Struggling with the usual stresses of college life Blaming others for perceived failures “If we want to prepare our kids for college—or for anything else in life!—we have to give our children the freedom to get away from adults so they can practice being adults—that is, practice taking responsibility for themselves.” Dr. Peter Gray Ok, so what are colleges seeing that is so concerning? College professors are reporting that many students are very fragile emotionally and there is a rise in mental health disorders, especially anxiety and depression And they are seeing young adults who are unable or unwilling to solve problems for themselves They are experiencing emotional crises over problems of everyday life such as a breakup with a boyfriend/girlfriend or a low grade on a test. For many students, a C or even sometimes a B is considered a failure and the end of the world. Colleges are seeing an increased tendency for students to blame the professor for low grades—for instance, they weren’t clear enough in telling the students just what the test would cover, or just what would distinguish a good paper from a bad one. So, instead of taking responsibility and seeing a poor grade as a reason to study more, or try a new study technique, they are pointing the finger. *So while they are here in high school let’s practice reflection- asking themselves what is my responsibility with this? What will I do differently next time? “If we want to prepare our kids for college—or for anything else in life!—we have to give our children the freedom to get away from adults so they can practice being adults—that is, practice taking responsibility for themselves.” Dr. Peter Gray

9 Building Resiliency and ResponsibilityThroughout their time here at NDP, they will be learning how to: deal with challenge and making mistakes, and the consequences bounce back after a difficulty communicate with adults, and each other take responsibility for one’s own actions based on how we model, and through our guidance Parents, teachers, counselors Ex: Students, before their parents, reach out to teachers Ex: Poor grade on test, walk through problem solving So it is incredibly important that teenagers learn and practice these skills during their time in high school, while they still have the “safety net” of parents, counselors, and faculty to help them. How to deal with challenge How to handle making a mistake and dealing with the consequences of that mistake How to bounce back after a difficulty How to communicate with adults- and with each other, for that matter! The importance of taking responsibility and ownership for their actions Solving problems for your teenager doesn’t allow them the opportunity to learn how to solve problems for themselves. Teens need to experience challenge and obstacles in order to learn how to deal with them. Removing the obstacle cheats them out of learning how to problem solve. When they fight through a challenge and come out the other end, they feel their success. They own it- which builds self esteem and confidence in handling more. Throughout their time at NDP, we are partnering with you to help build resiliency and ownership in your kids. For example, we expect that students will reach out to their teachers with questions or issues, before a parent steps in. If a student gets a poor grade on a test, we expect them to reflect on what happened that led to the poor grade, brainstorm ideas to do better the next time, and implement a new strategy going forward. As parents, we can walk the kids through these types of higher level problem solving skills at home. As counselors, we encourage students to come ask us for help if necessary, however we are still encouraging the student to talk to the teacher themselves after they receive our coaching. So that as much as possible they are moving through the challenge on their own, and they can own the success in the end.

10 Growth is Achieved by Striking the Right Balance Between Support and ChallengeSpectrum of student abilities A’s and B’s, organized, completely independent vs. Disorganized, missing work, requires prompting and constant reminders What level of academic support is needed? Imagine if you were completely hands off, no contact with teachers, not checking on homework, studying, etc. How would your student do? Where do they need the attention and support? So now you might be wondering- what is the best way to help instill these characteristics in my son or daughter, so they are successful in high school and college? To begin, we need to acknowledge that each of your kids are probably different when it comes to how much responsibility they take for themselves, how successful they are with managing their own lives…. Let’s start with an example of students managing themselves academically on a spectrum. On one end, we have some students who are completely independent and maintain A’s and B’s with very minimal support from their parents, teachers, counselors. We have some students on the other end of the spectrum, who if left to their own devices will fall apart become completely disorganized, have many missing assignments, need constant reminders from their parents to follow through with homework and studying, and so on. And most students are going to fall somewhere in between the two extremes. So it begs the question, as a parent, how am I to know how much I’m supposed to step in and help? In order for you to assess where your child falls on this spectrum, think about: What level of support did you provide in middle school? Did you provide lots of help with homework, daily reminders to use or check their planner, help them keep their backpack organized? Imagine if you were to be completely hands off with all of this- how would your son or daughter do? This is a strong indication of how much support your freshman is going to need at the start of their school year in August, and how much responsibility they need to learn to take on throughout their years at NDP. This can be a learning experience for both of you.

11 Balance Between Support and ChallengeTeach skill directly, allow teen to practice it Gradually pull away support Example: verbal reminders daily to check Haiku for homework Let them know it will be their responsibility Written post-it note on desk at home written by parents written by student Of course, our goal is for them to become completely independent over the next few years to have what colleges are looking for. This can be accomplished by teaching them the skill and allowing them to practice it while you gradually pull away support. Monitor how that goes. If their grades are falling fast, and they are getting overwhelmed, probably a good idea to start helping them again in that area. During this training and learning period, be in communication with Mrs. Rodda and me to help while at school. It’s like playing a game of Jenga, remove 1 piece of support at a time to see if it will be able to stand on its own, can’t remove too many at once, or the whole thing will fall down. An example of this would be: At first, you are giving your freshman verbal reminders to check Haiku (their classroom online –access 24/7) to see what the homework is every day. Let them know that you are not going to be doing this much longer, and that they need to develop this habit on their own, and you will be gradually giving the responsibility to them. Switch to providing a written post it note on their desk at home Then eventually have them write the post it note for themselves Gradually pull away the direct support- this way they are getting practice with being independent, while you are still there to help them rebound if they falter.

12 Encourage Teens to Think for Themselves, Make choices, and Live with the ConsequencesNo rescuing! As humans, we learn through experience Solve problems with your teenagers, not for them Give them the opportunity to own the success or learn from consequences Example: Forgot homework at home – take the zero Wants to avoid taking a test – go to school, do your best Freshman at college, forgot to turn in a paper? It is not helpful to your child in the long term if we rescue them from mistakes and consequences, or solve problems for them. Why? Because, as humans, we learn through experience- making decisions, making mistakes and dealing with the aftermath of that mistake. The sting of the consequence is what teaches. Solving problems for your teenagers doesn’t allow them the opportunity to learn how to solve problems for themselves. Solving problems alongside your teenagers allows them to think through the issue and build their problem solving skill. It also allows you as the parent to share your knowledge and they can choose to use your advice. As parents, because we love them, we want to protect them from consequences. However that robs them of the opportunity to learn something from the experience. Example: Forgot homework at home – take the zero Want to avoid taking a test – tell them to go to school, just do your best When they are a freshman at college and they forgot to turn in a paper you aren’t going to be able to run it up to the professor for them. They are going to have to deal with that consequence and it’s going to be easier for them to deal with if they have experienced this type of challenge before.

13 Example of Balancing Support/Challenge: Checking HaikuIf they miss one assignment let them take the zero. See if they bounce back. If they miss two, remind them to write their post it note and have a calm discussion about what happened. Important that we keep calm when having discussions with them, especially about grades. One trick is to not react immediately. Don’t let them see that this upsets you. They will close the lines of communication during this crucial time when they need your guidance so desperately. If they miss one assignment let them take the zero. See if they bounce back. If they get two, remind them to write their post it note and have a calm discussion about what happened. Based upon what we hear from students in our offices, it is incredibly important that we keep calm when having discussions with them, especially about grades. They will have a really hard time telling you things if they know they are going to get a negative reaction most of the time. They will close the lines of communication during this crucial time when they need your guidance so desperately. Keeping calm can be hard to do! One trick is to not react immediately. What we mean by that is- take some time to cool off- go scream in the closet if you have to, but don’t let them see that this upsets you.

14 Teachable moments Example: Forgot homework DiscussHow did this happen? What could you do differently next time? Brainstorm possible solutions (and consequences): Build a routine- put homework and books in backpack before going to bed Post-it notes as reminders on back seat of car “Character is formed through learning to make decisions and learning to live with their consequences.” from Parenting Teens with Love & Logic So, they take the zero on the homework assignment. They are mad at you because you didn’t bring it up to the school for them. It is important to empathize with them- “I’m sorry that you forgot your homework. That must be really frustrating!” Once everyone has calmed down- Then walk them through the problem solving- “How did this happen?” What could you do differently next time?” Sometimes the answer is to help them build a routine that would give them consistency- like placing all homework and books into their backpack before going to bed the night before Another possible solution might be to keep a post it note on the back seat of the family car, so that when he gets into the car in the morning he sees the reminder to make sure he has his homework

15 This is tough stuff. Raising a teenager is probably one of the hardest things you will ever do! There are a few books we do recommend that might help provide some ideas and encouragement- these books are shown on the next few slides. We will post this presentation on our school website on the counseling page. You are welcome to refer back to it anytime. There will be a different 30-minute parent presentation Wednesday 8/30 at 7pm on how to help you adjust to a 9th grader and how to best help them.

16 Many of the ideas that we presented tonight came from Parenting Teens with Love and Logic by Cline and Fay. Julie Lythcott- Haims is the author of the article on “The 8 skills everyone should have by age 18” that we discussed earlier wrote the book “How to raise an adult” So your kids have summer reading assignments…hint hint…here’s your summer reading assignments.

17 Preparing your son or daughter for upcoming social interactions.I saw Rosalind Wiseman speak at an American School Counseling Association conference a few years ago and she was really good.

18 Sources https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/freedom-learn/201509/declining-student-resilience-serious-problem-colleges?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign=FBPost Parenting Teens with Love and Logic, Foster Cline, MD and Jim Fay Closing: Thank you for coming tonight, we look forward to getting to know you and your students over the next 2 years.