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2 How Was I Loved?
3 Intimacy interacts in various ways with the man’s chain mailIntimacy interacts in various ways with the man’s chain mail. Early relationships affect the expectations we have of our present relationships.
4 Read each statement below. Score each statement as follows:1 - If you believe that love was likely to be shown to you in this way 0 - If you believe that it was unlikely for love to be shown to you in this way
5 II. My Mom, before my birth:1 - If you believe that love was likely to be shown to you in this way 0 - If you believe that it was unlikely for love to be shown to you in this way Prepared for her pregnancy with me. _____ Carefully chose the male/man who impregnated her. _____
6 II. My Mom, before my birth:1 - If you believe that love was likely to be shown to you in this way 0 - If you believe that it was unlikely for love to be shown to you in this way Chose a good man to be my father. _____ Was loved and supported by her family and was emotionally ready to have a child. _____
7 II. My Mom, before my birth:1 - If you believe that love was likely to be shown to you in this way 0 - If you believe that it was unlikely for love to be shown to you in this way Took care of her body during pregnancy. _____ Had the initiative and social skills to ask others to assist her in the preparations for my arrival. ____
8 II. My Mom, before my birth:1 - If you believe that love was likely to be shown to you in this way 0 - If you believe that it was unlikely for love to be shown to you in this way Prepared my room and decided on a childcare, medical, and nutritional plan for me. _____ Defined my birth as a gift. _____
9 II. My Mom, before my birth:1 - If you believe that love was likely to be shown to you in this way 0 - If you believe that it was unlikely for love to be shown to you in this way Focused on my health, not my gender, as most important. ___
10 My Mom, after my arrival:1 - If you believe that love was likely to be shown to you in this way 0 - If you believe that it was unlikely for love to be shown to you in this way Enjoyed caring for me. ____ Willingly sacrificed her needs and comfort for mine. ____
11 “Abandoned and rejected by his mother, he was destined to be an angry man.”Ishmael Genesis 21:8-20
12 My Mom, after my arrival:1 - If you believe that love was likely to be shown to you in this way 0 - If you believe that it was unlikely for love to be shown to you in this way Allowed me to be myself, rather than who she thought I should be. ____ Set boundaries which taught me to be responsible and kept me safe. _____
13 My Mom, after my arrival:1 - If you believe that love was likely to be shown to you in this way 0 - If you believe that it was unlikely for love to be shown to you in this way 14. Modeled good self-control. __ Comforted me when I was hurt. __ Valued me and was realistic about my gifts. __
14 My Mom, as I grew up, encouraged me:1 - If you believe that love was likely to be shown to you in this way 0 - If you believe that it was unlikely for love to be shown to you in this way To understand and consider the spiritual aspects of life. _____ To become independent and allowed me to do things on my own. _____ By providing fair and consistent discipline. _____
15 My Mom, as I grew up, encouraged me:1 - If you believe that love was likely to be shown to you in this way 0 - If you believe that it was unlikely for love to be shown to you in this way By providing an environment that was comfortable for our family and friends. __ By supporting my learning process and by expecting me to do my best. __
16 My Mom, as I grew up, encouraged me:1 - If you believe that love was likely to be shown to you in this way 0- If you believe that it was unlikely for love to be shown to you in this way By demonstrating a strong work ethic. _____ By listening in a non-judgmental fashion. _____ By being a loyal and supportive partner to my Dad. _____
17 My Mom, as I grew up, encouraged me:1 - If you believe that love was likely to be shown to you in this way 0 - If you believe that it was unlikely for love to be shown to you in this way By having a separate love relationship with my Dad. ___ By modeling an optimistic “Can do” attitude. ___ By controlling her anger and “speaking to the truth in love.” ___
18 My Mom, as I grew up, encouraged me:1 - If you believe that love was likely to be shown to you in this way 0 - If you believe that it was unlikely for love to be shown to you in this way By her ability to guide and manage her emotions. ___ By not competing with my dating partners. ___ By developing her own friendships and supportive community. ___
19 My Mom, as I grew up, encouraged me:1 - If you believe that love was likely to be shown to you in this way 0 - If you believe that it was unlikely for love to be shown to you in this way By knowing when to say “No” to my wants. ___
20 “Conscience is less an inner voice than the memory of a mother’s glance.”-Robert Brault
21 My Mom, as I grew up, encouraged me:1 - If you believe that love was likely to be shown to you in this way 0 - If you believe that it was unlikely for love to be shown to you in this way By living according to a clear purpose and setting priorities. __ By expressing herself, clearly and directly. __ By playing and laughing with me. __
22 Add up the score. How many characteristics of love did your mother demonstrate? _____ (out of 34)How well did she model the intimacy skills that you would need in the future in order to relate well to others?