1 Words matter The power of conversation
2 Anybody have any plans to stare at their phones somewhere exciting this weekend?
3 Association or social intercourse; intimate acquaintance.Conversation defined Informal interchange of thoughts, information, etc., by spoken words; oral communication between persons; talk. Association or social intercourse; intimate acquaintance. As of March
4 Today’s definition “‘Conversation’ goes deeper and is more robust than simple information sharing. Conversations are dynamic, interactive, and inclusive. They evolve and impact the way we connect, engage, interact, and influence others… the power to move us from ‘power over’ others to ‘power with others’.” Judith E Glaser “Conversational Intelligence”
5 Conversations are: What we think What we say What we meanWhat others hear How we feel about it How we respond/act upon
6 What WE think Often addicted to expressing our thoughts and opinionsMisinterpreting what others are saying as we process through our own filter – closed to new ideas, thoughts Always Telling/Selling Positioning for power and control
7 What we say I believe we should do this. I have done this in the past.I am sure you agree. I’m not sure you understand. I’m not in agreement. I know…
8 What we mean I need to be understood. I need to be heard.I need to feel valued. I need to see my ideas implemented. I need you to like me. I need control.
9 What others hear Their opinion doesn’t count.You aren’t paying attention. You are smarter. You wont’ accept me. How do you know what I’m thinking? You aren’t listening.
10 We feel conversations Conversations trigger our brain and we react at every level – heart, mind, soul and spirit. They can give us energy or take it away. move us toward one another or away from each other. be healthy or unhealthy. acceptance or rejection. Vital instincts are hardwired.
11 Conversational pitfallsBlubbering Blabbermouth – talking too much Me too – stealing the thunder Advice giver – why don’t you do this… Addicted to being right – you must agree… Interrupting – not letting others finish Non contributor – no enthusiasm, not present The ever-present smartphone
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13 So, how do we improve? The first step is to understand the science behind conversations and how they can have positive or negative impact. There are many studies on this – but let’s simplify it to one basic element that must be present in a healthy, productive conversation...
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15 Trust Trust resides in our prefrontal cortex, where we compare our expectations of what will or will not happen against reality… Where we match our worldview with that of others and when they align, we feel the greatest trust… This doesn’t mean we have to agree – but disagree without negative consequences...
16 When trust takes place, we:Give credibility Feel empowered Have energy Neuroscience of TRUST! Most of us would acknowledge that trust is a key part of our lives. We may even think we know how to size up whether to trust someone at that moment of contact when we first meet, perhaps in whom we choose to hire or work with. Our level of trust is changed, in many cases, by the way we share information, that is, through conversations. Conversations trigger physical and emotional changes in our brains and bodies through altering the amounts of two of the most powerful hormones that affect social interaction: oxytocin, which enables bonding and collaboration, and testosterone, which enables our aggressive behaviors. In addition, when we distrust people we also activate our fear hormones -- cortisol, which triggers our primitive brain and cause us to move into protection mindsets and behaviors with others. You can elevate the levels of trust in your environment by focusing on being more mindful of the tone and actions you live every day. Introduce higher levels of transparency, by focusing on relationship before task, by spending more time understanding others perspectives, by creating a picture of mutual success, and by being willing to "tell the truth" -- or Break the Code of Silence when things feel out of sync. Then, you are able to create and sustain a highly productive trusting
17 When distrust takes place, we:Are uncertain Become fearful Feel threatened Neuroscience of TRUST! Most of us would acknowledge that trust is a key part of our lives. We may even think we know how to size up whether to trust someone at that moment of contact when we first meet, perhaps in whom we choose to hire or work with. Our level of trust is changed, in many cases, by the way we share information, that is, through conversations. Conversations trigger physical and emotional changes in our brains and bodies through altering the amounts of two of the most powerful hormones that affect social interaction: oxytocin, which enables bonding and collaboration, and testosterone, which enables our aggressive behaviors. In addition, when we distrust people we also activate our fear hormones -- cortisol, which triggers our primitive brain and cause us to move into protection mindsets and behaviors with others. You can elevate the levels of trust in your environment by focusing on being more mindful of the tone and actions you live every day. Introduce higher levels of transparency, by focusing on relationship before task, by spending more time understanding others perspectives, by creating a picture of mutual success, and by being willing to "tell the truth" -- or Break the Code of Silence when things feel out of sync. Then, you are able to create and sustain a highly productive trusting
18 How to BUILD trust
19 Transparency Being more open and transparent. Share information and be open to discuss why you do what you do … Action Accountability – role as an advisor; clarify your services and set expectations...
20 Establish core values, rules of engagementRelationships Relationships--Focusing on building relationships before selling provides a foundation, creates loyalty. Focus on... getting in sync with people's needs and aspirations to create strong bonds… Action Establish core values, rules of engagement
21 Make it a practice to ask for and listen to feedback from your client.Understanding Appreciating others' perspectives, points of view, and ways of seeing the world strengthens bonds of trust. Listen and ask more questions. Minimize fighting for one's point of view and maximize exploring others' perspectives... creating bridges into what's important to others. Action Make it a practice to ask for and listen to feedback from your client. Ask "what if?" questions that open the doors to sales opportunities. Really LISTEN!
22 Shared Success Defining success with your client creates a shared meaning about what's important and what’s not. By defining success together, your client contributes to co-creating their financial plan... creating a shared ownership of the outcome. Action Initiate conversations about mutual success and what success looks like for all – win win. Encourage clients to communicate and discuss the shared view of success with others - referrals.
23 Truth-telling ActionsSpeak with candor and caring; be clear – no smoke and mirrors. Working and narrowing the reality gaps with others creates alignment and builds bonds of trust. Actions When gaps between your truth and my truth appear, discuss them with the intent to create bridges of understanding. Hold and encourage conversations that start with empathy and move toward a common goal or outcome.
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26 Crucial Conversations“Though the terrain of frustration may be vast from a stubbed toe to an untimely death at the heart of every frustration lies a basic structure: the collision of a wish with an unyielding reality.” Alain de Botton
27 What if you die…to soon?
28 Then listen… your client’s response will dictate the next step…The question and conversation is basic and yet so often overlooked – we jump to the purchase of life insurance without exploring What would that look like for you? Then listen… your client’s response will dictate the next step…
29 Ottawa couple marries days before bride succumbs to cancerWhat if you got sick? bride 'We got to share our love' Ottawa couple marries days before bride succumbs to cancer
30 What would you have to give up financially?Ask the question What is your plan? What scares you? What would you have to give up financially?
31 What if you run out of money?bride What if you run out of money?
32 Don’t TELL – dialogue, engage, LISTEN.Do you have a retirement plan? What do you think about RRSPs,TFSAs… Do you know what a Seg Fund is? Don’t TELL – dialogue, engage, LISTEN.
33 Do you have a will?
34 By asking this question, you show your client that you CARE…Do you have a will? Although this may not lead to a sale – it does establish trust – 56% of Canadians do not have a written will. By asking this question, you show your client that you CARE…
35 Conversational Goals Moving from I to WE
36 Be Conversational Goals Collaborative Energetic Inspiring AuthenticProductive Be
37 Conversational Goals Do not dominate a conversation or make it all about you. A monologue is not conversation. Show interest and curiosity in others. Strive for a balance of give and take. Be an active listener by maintaining good eye contact and asking pertinent questions. Being relaxed is vital.
38 Conversational Goals Do not interrupt and cut in with your own ideas before the other person is finished speaking. Maintain an open mind; everyone has a right to express themselves even if you don't agree with what they are saying.
39 Conversational Goals Although this is cliché, try to avoid topics such as sex, religion, and politics. Don’t get trapped by them and end up in a verbal battle, not conversation. Be prepared by staying on top of the latest news, developments, and world events. Be approachable by staying relaxed, smiling, and maintaining a friendly attitude.
40 “The great gift of conversation lies less in displaying it ourselves than in drawing it out of others. He who leaves your company pleased with himself and his own cleverness is perfectly well pleased with you.” Jean de la Bruyere
41 “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”Proverbs 16:24 NIV
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45 QUALIFICATION PERIOD The qualification period covers a 12-month period, from January 1 to December 31, 2017 inclusively. QUALIFICATION CRITERIA You qualify for the 2018 Convention if: You achieve a net total of 80,000 production credits and place a minimum of 25 production units. Production credits and units can be accumulated through a combination of life insurance policies, new investment contracts (clients) and/or group insurance plans. Results are based on placed premium (not FYC) by December 31, 2017.
46 Thank you!